I've always enjoyed playing bid whiz with a few of my gay brothers and sisters on Saturday nights, sometimes I make tacos, order pizza or make other food but nowadays I don’t care to have company because of my in-laws have spoiled it for me. They act like they cannot stand to see us have anything without helping themselves to it. They’re always borrowing our DVDs, music, blender or whatever else they want.  My girlfriend acts like she cannot open her mouth to say “no” she once told me they were taught to share everything as children. I once had a “bad argument” with her mother because she brought the grandkids to our adult party to fix plates to take back home. My girlfriend sat there looking angry but did not open her mouth and did not even bother to tell her straight brothers they could not stay at our gay party.  Don’t get me wrong I am not a monster, I don’t mind sharing our good fortune but I do not know how to handle this. Has this ever happened to you and what do you suggest I do to rid us of the leeching relatives?

Signed My In-Laws Are NOT Invited.

I had a similar situation regarding someone that I dated who had a very mean sister. My ex’s sister used to treat her like a 4 year old with demeaning statements and screaming at her to the top of her lungs over stupid things. Half the stuff didn’t even make sense.  I personally think that my ex could have resolved these issues on her own.  The sister was in her mid to late 30’s and my ex was in her early 40’s, yes, grown women!  I was quiet about it for a while but soon found myself resenting my former in-law.  I felt disrespected just like you do and started to resent my ex for not standing up for herself. I resented the sister for making it obvious that she was jealous and/or ignorant and had no respect for me.

Now get this,  when I approached my ex with how I thought her sister used and abused her she agreed but soon started to get angry with me and made excuses for her grown azz sibling.  She said and I quote “my sister is just spoiled and used to having her way.”  Sounds like these in-laws are used to this type of free reign.  They come and go as they please because this has been their norm.  They don’t know any better until they are told or taught different.  My ex stated that her mother “did that to her sister” and since she’s the youngest they assisted in doing this “spoiling”.  It’s our family’s fault she says.  My first question was…Are we talking about this grown woman or do you have another sister that I haven’t heard about?  Once she cleared it up I soon realized that no matter how close you become with your partner’s family talking about them even if it’s the truth is off limits.  One wrong slip of the tongue and it could ruin your relationship.  My advice to you regarding the leeching relatives is to either live with it or let go of the relationship.  It’s her family and they aren’t going anywhere.  Blood is thicker than mud. 

Your girl will have to get to the point where she’s fed up with this madness and say something.  You will only create a sense of resentment from the love of your life.  When I think about everything else that could be wrong in this relationship I realize that these are minor issues that just take some time to work out.  She will eventually say something.  Just give her time.

Until then enjoy this wonderful union you guys have committed to.  It doesn’t happen often.

Signed,
Toska