Events, features, and news for the black gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and gay-friendly communities
Am I the Baby's Momma or Daddy?
Written by Toska   
Today I found out that I was pregnant.  Now this may sound like great news for some but there’s a little confusion surrounding my pregnancy.  I am what you call a stud in the gay/lesbian community.  I love women but I can never keep a girlfriend.  There's always something missing when we are together physically and emotionally.  Most of my friends think that I am the aggressor in my relationships.  Yes, I put on this face but it's not who I really am.  Often times when I'm alone I yearn for the comfort of a man.  Not just any man.  This man has to have male genitals but be feminine at the same time.  You see Toska, I am pregnant by a female impersonator a/k/a a DRAG QUEEN.  What do I do?  Do I have the child and if I do how do I raise a child with her father living his/her every day life as a woman and with me being a lesbian and living as a stud.

Signed,

Am I the baby's momma or daddy?

Dear Ms. Baby's daddy I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when that conversation took place.   I probably would have thought that it was a joke.  What did she say to you to make you want to sleep with her? Were you drinking or do you really have feelings for this woman/man/drag queen.  So who is the child going to call daddy?  That's a sticky situation and a very confusing one.  Not for me but for your child.  Children are so impressionable, especially by their parents.  The issues that you are having with your sexuality you have pretty much figured out.  You just have to come to grips with who you really are.  Don't be concerned about what people will think.  Hell, they talked about you before you got pregnant.  They just have juice to add to the story now.

Now I want you to think about how you are going to explain to a 3-year-old girl or boy that daddy has a penis and breasts and mommy has a penis and breasts too but her penis is removable and she carries it in a backpack when she goes to visit her girlfriend.  If it's a party mommy will wear her penis to impress girls.  On a serious note being a mother I oftentimes struggle with how I will tell my child that mommy doesn't like boys.  She likes girls and it's o.k.  From where I sit I probably will not disclose that to my child.  It's too much and unfair.  Now other people may think that because they are out and not ashamed of the choices that they've made for their lives that it is o.k. to tell the child. I only see them as my choices and my child should not have to carry the burden of what I've chosen to do.  Children have enough to deal with on a daily basis and trying to explain issues of sexuality are confusing enough for you.  You just found out who you are.  How do you think a child would handle it?  I would never tell you or anyone to abort a child but what I suggest is for you to make a list of the advantages and disadvantages of raising a child as if you were heterosexual.  At the bottom of the first list prepare a second list but add the following items: 1) Mommy's a lesbian, Daddy's gay but dresses up every day as a woman 3) Daddy still likes men and women but not feminine women 4) Mommy likes men and women but men who dress like women are more appealing to her.

I was confused just writing that.  Think about what your child will have to deal with trying to figure that out for the next 18 years.

Toska